Alpha Boys
by Prince Lutin
Summary: Peapod Kid joins Pi Phi Psi, a fraternity at Hillwood College. He likes the fraternity at first, but things go awry when the fraternity starts to take over his life and its members pressure him to stop being friends with Park. Now Peapod must choose between Park and the frat boys.
1. The Cafeteria

_**DISCLAIMER:**_ _I do not own Hey Arnold or related characters. They are property of Craig Bartlett. I do, however, own some of the characters, such as the frat boys of Pi Phi Psi._

 _This fanfic takes place 10 years after the series. Arnold and his friends are now in college._

 _This fanfic is rated M for coarse language, innuendos, potentially sensitive content, and references to hazing and controversial frat boy behavior. Do not read if you are under 16. The first chapter is going to be relatively tame, but believe me, it WILL get worse._

 _I'm glad that I finally had an idea for a fanfic that isn't Pokemon-related._

* * *

 **THE ESTATE OF NIBIRU-MUL PRESENTS**

 **ALPHA BOYS**

 **CHAPTER 1: THE CAFETERIA**

It was a cloudy day at Hillwood College, where Arnold and his friends went to college. But this story is not going to focus on Arnold. Rather, it will focus on two minor characters who went to school with Arnold and the gang.

The college cafeteria was very busy. Today, the cafeteria was serving Mexican food. We first see Arnold and Sheena. Arnold is wearing a blue jacket over a red plaid shirt and blue skinny jeans. Sheena is wearing an oversized white T-shirt with a feminist symbol on it and a long pink skirt. Sheena had gotten into feminism and social justice, but she still spoke in a soft geeky voice.

"That's one good thing about college," said Arnold, "they serve really good food here!"

"And it's very nutritious too," said Sheena. Sheena's plate consisted of a quinoa salad with a side of corn.

Helga walked by. As usual, her hair was in two pigtails. She wore a pink T-shirt with a red stripe near the bottom and blue jeans.

"Looks like Sheena went for the Granola Girl Special," she said. "Hm...these burritos will go great with some ketchup!" She squirted ketchup on her burritos.

"Helga, stop that!" said Sheena. "Don't disrespect the cuisines of marginalized cultures!"

"Criminy," said Helga, "not this again! Sheena, stop with the social justice bullshit."

"It's okay, Helga," said Sheena. "We don't have to talk about cultural appropriation now."

Arnold saw that Helga was getting frustrated.

"Come on, Helga," he said. "I'll find us a table."

Arnold and Helga walked away. Helga sighed in delight.

While Sheena went to get a bottle of kale juice, Park and Peapod Kid looked on. They were standing in line to buy lunch. Park wore a blue and green striped sweater and blue skinny jeans, while Peapod wore a red T-shirt, a red and black keffiyeh, and black capris.

"Boy," said Park, "Sheena used to be a nice girl. Now she's all obsessed with that social justice crap."

"Of course," said Peapod. "It's terribly, terribly annoying. Yesterday she accused me of cultural appropriation."

The cook called out next. Park and Peapod went up to the counter.

"So what will it be today, boys?" said the cook. She talked in a heavy smoker's voice.

"I'll have a beef torta and a side salad," said Park.

"I'll have a chicken quesadilla and a side of rice and beans," said Peapod.

The cook prepared the two dishes.

"I'll get us a pair of Yahoo sodas," said Peapod.

Peapod went to get two bottles of Yahoo soda. Sheena looked at his keffiyeh and gave him a dirty look. Peapod ignored Sheena and walked back to Park.

"Here's your soda," said Peapod.

"Thanks," said Park. "Our lunches are almost done. I'm a bit short on cash, though."

"Don't worry," said Peapod. "I'll pay for it."

Peapod paid for the lunch.

"You're lucky you're rich," said Park. "I don't have a job yet."

"I'm always willing to pay," said Peapod. "We're friends. That's never going to change."

Cut to a minute later. Park and Peapod are enjoying their lunch. The focus switches to five popular guys wearing dress shirts, formal jackets, bow ties, boat shoes, and brightly colored shorts. These boys were members of Pi Phi Psi, the school's fraternity.

"That boy looks like Pi Phi Psi material," said one frat boy.

"You can't be serious," said another frat boy. "That boy in the striped sweater is definitely one of the geeks. I wouldn't be surprised if he was friends with that Sheena girl."

"Not that boy, you fucktard!" said a third frat boy, who appeared to be the leader. He looked frighteningly like Stifler from the American Pie movies, except his hair was a lighter shade of blond. "That boy with the glasses and the keffiyeh. They're even the good kind of glasses, not the ugly ones that only nerds wear. I can't remember his real name, but his friends always call him Peapod. His father attends the same country club as my father. Plus he's rich, which is definitely Pi Phi Psi material."

The frat boys laughed haughtily.

While Park was telling Peapod about an upcoming horror movie, the frat boys walked over to Park and Peapod.

"Why hello there," said the frat leader. "We're looking around for new members."

"Who are you?" asked Peapod.

"I am Bryce Farquhar III," said the frat leader. "I've heard a lot about you. You're quite the fashionisto. And that bass singing voice of yours is just divine!"

"Hold on," said Park. "I don't think Peapod would like to join your fraternity. And there's no such word as 'fashionisto'."

"Be quiet, ugly," said the first frat boy.

"I've always wanted to join a fraternity," said Peapod. "My dad belonged to one. He said it was a lot of fun."

"WHAT?" said Park. "You've never said anything about a..."

"Can it!" said Bryce.

Bryce handed Peapod an invitation slip.

"Come on to the fraternity house," said Bryce.

Peapod read the slip.

 _To Whom It May Concern,_

 _You are cordially invited to the fraternity house of Pi Phi Psi at 3:30 PM for your initiation. Beer will be served there._

 _\- The Members of Pi Phi Psi_

"Wow," said Peapod. "You've got yourself a deal. I'll be there."

"I'm not coming," said Park.

The frat boys laughed.

"Of course you can't come!" said Bryce. "You're not invited. Members only."

Peapod looked at Park.

"I'm going to be busy later," said Peapod.

"But we were supposed to go to the arcade after classes," said Park.

"I'm sorry," said Peapod. "We'll go some other time."

Peapod took out his wallet and handed a $50 bill to Park.

"Maybe you can take someone else today," said Peapod.

"Fine," said Park.

Arnold and Helga, who were sitting with Phoebe and Gerald, looked on at the scene.

"Well, well, well," said Helga, "looks like ol' Peapod's fallen for Pee Fuck Die's scam. Pretty soon, he'll be forced to stay up all night and eat cookies covered in dick juice."

"I'm afraid I have to agree with Helga," said Phoebe. "According to my research, Pi Phi Psi has a reputation for being rather...malicious."

"As Peapod would say," said Gerald, "things are going terribly, terribly wrong."

"We should help him," said Arnold.

"That makes two people who need help," said Helga, looking at Sheena. Sheena was busy on her iPad blogging about social justice. "People get crazier every day."


	2. Peapod's Initiation

_**A/N:** Since Peapod's real name is never mentioned in the series, I had to make up a name for him._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 2: PEAPOD'S INITIATION**

Peapod showed up at the house of Pi Phi Psi at 3:30 PM sharp. Bryce walked over to the door and opened it.

"Ah, Peapod," said Bryce. "I'm glad you came! And not a minute too soon! We've been expecting you."

Peapod walked in the door. Bryce led him to the main room, where the four other fraternity members that accompanied Bryce at lunch were sitting at a table.

"As you know," said Bryce. "I'm Bryce. The other guys that were with me earlier are Owen, Dylan, Levi, and Chase."

"Hi, guys," said Peapod, waving to the other frat boys.

"Before you are going to join," said Bryce, "we're going to have to initiate you. Normally, our initiations are very complex and involve lots of hazing, but since your family is rich, we're going to skip the worst tests. Let Levi here ask you a few questions."

Levi walked forward. He had a light brown undercut with blond highlights.

"What is your name?" Levi asked Peapod.

"Everyone calls me Peapod," said Peapod. "It's because I wore a peapod costume in a play when I was in fourth grade. I went to P.S. 118."

"We went to Peavine Academy," said Bryce.

"That's nice to hear, Peapod," said Levi. "What name's on your birth certificate."

"My real first name is Jesse," said Peapod. "My full name is Jesse Nathaniel Caron."

"Caron, eh?" said Levi. "Is that French? The French are very, how you say, chic."

"Well, I guess you can say that," said Peapod. "My great-great-grandparents were from Manitoba, where their ancestors moved from Quebec. Their distant ancestors originally came from France, but no one in my family has spoken French in well over a century. The French my ancestors spoke isn't the same as the French they teach in French class. History is my minor, for the record."

"Is that so?" asked Levi. "What is your major?"

"I'm a business major," said Peapod.

The frat boys all gave Peapod two thumbs up.

"Next question," said Levi. "How did your family get rich?"

"Most of my family's wealth came from my great-grandfather, Gilbert Caron," said Peapod. "He was an architect who designed a lot of buildings in Hillwood, including the opera house. My father increased our wealth even more through business and real estate. Yeah, I know, I'm not exactly old money."

"That's okay," said Levi. "Many of us are from new money. Heck, my parents weren't born rich." Levi cleared his throat. "Here's another question: have you ever had any kind of alcoholic drink?"

"No," said Peapod.

"Would you like to?" asked Levi.

Peapod blushed.

"Yes," he said.

"Good," said Levi. "Here's a can of Coors."

Levi handed Peapod a can of Coors to drink. He took one sip and then put it on a table.

"It's the first time I had a drink like this," said Peapod. "I must not overindulge."

"Next question," said Levi. "Does your family own any yachts?"

"We have two," said Peapod.

"Next question," said Levi. "What kind of music do you like?"

"Music..." said Peapod. "My favorite singer is Lily Allen. I have all of her albums."

"Who's that?" asked Owen. Owen had brown hair in a Zac Efron-ish hairstyle.

"She's a British singer," said Peapod. "A lot of my friends don't know who she is. She's not very popular here in America."

"British, eh?" said Levi. "That's definitely good taste."

"I like a lot of other music too," said Peapod, "though I'm not a fan of country and rap."

"One more question," said Levi. "Can you tell which one of us five bros is a virgin?"

Peapod thought it for a second.

"You got ten seconds," said Bryce.

"Is it...Dylan?" said Peapod, guessing since he was a little nervous.

All the frat boys' jaws dropped.

"He's right," said Dylan, running his hands through his blond frat swoop.

"I can't believe it!" said Bryce. "He actually got it right!" Bryce rolled his eyes. "Okay. The next part of our initiation involves a paddlin'. Chase is going to hit you with this paddle 50 times. If you don't cry or beg to stop, it means you've passed."

Peapod thought this sounded kind of mean, but he agreed to it. Chase, a tall boy with red hair in a buzz cut and a red soul patch on his chin, grabbed a paddle and began to hit Peapod. Peapod didn't dare to complain, but he did groan a bit.

"Good work!" said Chase. "You're definitely Pi Phi Psi material."

"Okay," said Bryce. "Now is the final test. We're going to show you ten minutes of _2 Cups 1 Girl_. If you don't throw up, complain, or get out of your seat, it means you can join." _2 Cups 1 Girl_ was an extremely disgusting X-rated movie. "Owen, pop the disc into the DVD player. Levi, dim the lights."

Owen put the DVD for _2 Cups 1 Girl_ in the DVD player. Levi turned off the lights. Bryce seated Peapod in a chair and turned on the movie.

Sitting through ten minutes of nausea fuel wasn't easy, but Peapod braved through it. He dared not to complain or get out of his seat. He didn't even throw up. Bryce and the other frat boys were impressed with Peapod's ability to sit through the film.

"Whoa!" said Dylan. "This bro's got a stomach of iron!"

When the ten minutes were up, Levi turned the lights back on. Peapod was allowed to get up from his chair.

"Congratulations, Peapod!" said Bryce. "You've passed all the tests with flying colors! Now you're an official member of Pi Phi Psi!"

Chase brought out a uniform for Peapod to wear. It consisted of a jacket, shirt, and tie like theirs and a pair of pastel pink shorts. There was even a baseball cap with the fraternity's letters on it.

"Wow!" said Peapod. "I feel terribly, terribly excited!"

"You're one of us now," said Levi. He handed a schedule to Peapod. "Here's a schedule for all your appointments. You don't have to be here all the time, though it is important that you attend as often as you can."

"And now," said Bryce, "your initiation is officially over. You can go home now."

"Thanks!" said Peapod.

Peapod waved goodbye and walked away.

"Au revoir!" said Bryce.

Bryce and the other frat boys looked on as Peapod left the fraternity house and went back to his car.

"That Peapod Kid is one smart cookie," said Dylan.

"He better not be too smart," said Owen, "or we won't be able to take advantage of him."

"He's going to suffer big time," said Bryce.

The frat boys laughed haughtily.

* * *

Cut to that night. Peapod is in his bedroom. His bedroom is painted heliotrope. On the wall are two posters: one of Lily Allen and another one of Squidward's masterpiece "Bold and Brash". Peapod's furniture is made out of poplar wood. His bed has a red bedspread and a red and black plaid blanket. Next to the bed is his nightstand, which has an alarm clock and a lamp. Next to the clock is a Nintendo DS. His desk contains a flat-screen computer and a stuffed green platypus. Above his bureau is a huge mirror. On the bureau are hair products, colognes, and a few photo frames - his favorite is a heart-shaped photo of him with his girlfriend Nadine. There is also a portable TV with a PS3 hooked up to it.

As for Peapod himself, he is lying on his bed. He is wearing a green and blue plaid nightshirt. He has a cellphone in his hand.

"I'm going to call Park and tell him the good news," said Peapod, dialing Park's number. Park is in his living room. He is wearing a Dino Land T-shirt and a pair of blue pajama pants with a baseball pattern.

"Why hello, Park," he said.

"What up, Peapod?" said Park. "How did that fraternity thing go?"

"Oh my," said Peapod, "it was terribly, terribly stupendous. I was accepted as a member! They even gave me a ravishing jacket and pink shorts."

"I'm...glad to hear you got in," said Park.

"So," said Peapod, "who did you take to the arcade?"

"I took Sid with me," said Park. "We had a lot of fun. After that we went to get fried Oreos."

"Sounds delectable," said Peapod. He felt sad that he missed out on fried Oreos, which were among his favorite foods.

"Were those frat boys nice to you?" said Park. "They were kinda mean to me."

"I guess so," said Peapod, "although the initiation was kinda rough. They made me watch an X-rated movie."

Park laughed.

"That's all?" he asked.

"It was _2 Cups 1 Girl_ ," said Peapod.

Park gasped.

"Oh God," he said. "I barfed just two minutes into it. You sat through all of it without puking?"

"Actually, only ten minutes," said Peapod.

"Still," said Park, "that shows that you have guts (no pun intended)."

Peapod laughed.

"I know they didn't like you at first," said Peapod, "but I'm positive that that will change. They'll warm up to you."

"I don't know..." said Park. "They called me ugly and they didn't want anything to do with me. It must be because you're rich like they are. I'm afraid that you'll want to spend time with them instead of me."

"Don't worry," said Peapod. "We'll always be best friends, no matter what. We've known each other for over fifteen years. I've only known them for one day. No cool rich kid could ever take your place."

"Thanks, Peapod," said Park.

"No problem," said Peapod.

"I've gotta go," said Park. "Good night!"

"Goodnight, Park!" said Peapod.

The two of them hung up their cellphones.

Peapod lay down in bed. He decided to listen to his MP3 player, starting with his favorite song, "Who'd Have Known". He felt a strong sense of euphoria come over him. What he did not know was that the frat boys were not all that they seemed, and he was already being sucked into the cult.

And in the next chapter we'll see what Helga and Sheena are up to...


	3. Sheena the SJW

**CHAPTER 3: SHEENA THE SJW**

The next morning, Peapod got up and went downstairs to have breakfast. He looked in the kitchen pantry.

"Aw, man," he said. "We're all out of Chocolate Cheese Munchies, and the only other cereal in there is Prune Bran. Oh well...no one eats it except for Sara." Sara was Peapod's older sister. She was five years his senior, and she was also a diehard Twilight fan. "I guess I'll make myself some biscuits and raspberry jam."

Peapod went to make himself some biscuits and raspberry jam. He then got himself a glass of milk to wash it all down. Once he was done, he went to take a shower and got ready for college. He decided to wear his fraternity outfit. Even though he could drive and had a car of his own, he sometimes took the college shuttle so he could be with Park.

When Peapod got on the shuttle, he sat down next to Park.

"Hi, Peapod," said Park. "Lookin' sharp!"

On the seats on the other side of the bus, Helga, Phoebe, Gerald, and Arnold looked on.

"Where'd you get the jacket, Peapod?" asked Arnold.

"Well," said Peapod, "the guys at Pi Phi Psi gave it to me after I was accepted as one of their brethren."

"Congratulations!" said Arnold.

"Yeah, congratulations," said Helga. Unlike Arnold, she said it sarcastically.

Rhonda, who was sitting behind Peapod, eyed the outfit.

"Oh, Peapod!" she said. "That outfit is _tres charmant_! I've heard all about that fraternity. The boys in it are so hot!"

"Yes," said Peapod. "Your outfit is captivating as well." Rhonda wore a 1920s-inspired pink dress and a matching cloche hat.

"Oh, this?" asked Rhonda. "This dress is part of Johnny Stitches' new line. It's inspired by _The Great Gatsby_."

Helga yawned.

"Someone pass me a paper bag before I throw up my innards," she said.

Not long after, the bus reached its next stop: Nadine's house. Nadine got on the bus. She wore a long blue shirt and a pair of green capris. She was wearing her hair down, and she had a purple flower on the right side.

"Hi, Peapod," said Nadine."You look very handsome today."

"Thank you, Nadine," said Peapod. "I'm now an official member of Pi Phi Psi."

"Congrats," said Nadine. She sat down next to Rhonda.

Not long after, the bus reached Sheena's house. Sheena got on the bus.

"Criminy," said Helga.

Sheena walked up to Helga.

"Hello there, Helga!" she said. "I finished my report for my gender studies class. I did a lot of research last night. Did you know that some people aren't male OR female. Some people are boys, some people are girls, and some people are people!"

"I didn't know there were people who weren't people," said Peapod.

Helga laughed.

"That's not what I meant, Peapod," said Sheena. "The official term is 'genderqueer'. There are dozens of genders out there."

Helga growled.

"Can you please cut it out with this gender crap?" asked Helga.

" _Kindergarten Cop_ taught me all I need to know about gender," said Park. "Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina."

Sheena growled.

"Here we go again..." said Gerald.

"I'M TRIGGERED!" yelled Sheena.

Rhonda rolled her eyes.

"Seems like Sheena keeps getting weirder and weirder," she said to Nadine.

"I agree," said Nadine.

When the shuttle arrived at Hillwood College, everyone went to their classes. Unfortunately, Helga had to go to gender studies with Sheena. Helga only took gender studies because she wanted to get a few laughs at the social justice warriors. Anita Wu, the professor of the class, identified as a queer intersectional feminist. Peapod was in the class as well. He disliked the class too, although unlike Helga, he didn't complain about the work.

While Professor Wu was rambling about social justice, Helga was drawing in her notebook.

"Helga," said Sheena, "I don't think Professor Wu would like that you're drawing mean pictures of her."

"Please don't talk to me, Sheena," said Helga.

"It could be worse," said Peapod. "The political science professor I had last semester is a hardcore racist."

"I'm glad she liked my report on other genders besides male and female," said Sheena.

"For the last time," said Helga, "stop trying to brainwash me! Professor Wu's already brainwashing us."

Professor Wu shot an angry look at the students who were talking.

"Enough with the talking, cis scum!" she said.

Helga sighed.

"Okay..." she said.

After gender studies was over, Helga walked out feeling very angry.

"You know, Helga," said Sheena, "if you don't like gender studies, maybe you shouldn't have signed up for it."

"Aw, put a sock in it, granola girl!" said Helga.

"Today's lecture was terribly, terribly...terrible," said Peapod. "I'm just glad I got the notes down."

"So, Peapod," said Helga, "when are you seeing those fraternity douchebags again?"

"They're not douchebags," said Peapod, "and I'm going to be seeing them at lunch. They wanted me to eat at their table." Peapod walked away, waving bye to Helga.

Helga groaned.

"Criminy," she said, "I need to get out of that gender studies class before I turn into Sheena. Helga Pataki doesn't do granola or blogging about nonsense on Tumblr."


	4. Greek Life

**CHAPTER 4: GREEK LIFE**

During lunch, Peapod got himself two slices of pizza, a Yahoo soda, and a side of steamed rice. He went over to Park's table.

"Hello, Park," said Peapod.

"Hi, Peapod," said Park. "I've got something funny that happened in geology class to tell you. During the lesson..."

A wolf whistle interrupted their conversation. It was coming from Bryce.

"Sorry, Park," said Peapod, "I think Bryce and the other fraternity brethren want them to sit with me today."

"Why are they wolf whistling?" asked Park. "Are they trying to pick up girls?"

"No," said Peapod, "that's how they get other fraternity bros get attention."

Park sighed.

"Whatever," he said.

Peapod walked over to the table where Bryce, Owen, Dylan, Levi, and Chase were sitting. Bryce and Chase had burgers for lunch, Levi had pizza, and Owen and Dylan had meatball subs. All five boys had Yahoo sodas.

"Hello there, Peapod," said Chase.

"You look awesome in that outfit!" said Levi.

"Thanks," said Peapod, sitting down at the table.

Peapod looked at Bryce's watch.

"I like your watch," he said. "Where did you get it?"

"From an expensive jeweler," said Bryce. "I wore it to the winter cotillion. Did you go?"

"Why yes," said Peapod. "It was...okay."

"Just okay?" asked Owen.

"Well..." said Peapod, "I liked the food."

"Oh yes, the food!" said Bryce. "That caviar was _delicieux_!"

Peapod felt a knot in his stomach at the sound of caviar. He had had caviar before, and he thought it tasted awful.

"Do you like video games?" asked Peapod.

"We sure do," said Bryce. "Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto, and many others..."

"What about books?" asked Peapod.

"I'm not much of a book person," said Bryce.

"Bryce!" said Dylan. "Tell that story about your last time at the country club."

"Oh yes," said Bryce. "Well, I went to the country club a few weeks ago. There were some pretty blonde girls hanging outside. I figured I'd check them out. We shared some beer together. Then they asked me if they could come over to my house. After that, I slept with each and every one of them. I'm a champion when it comes to the bed."

"Bryce here is a real player," said Owen. "I am too. I bedded two sorority girls two Fridays ago."

"How about you, Peapod?" asked Levi. "You've ever had sex?"

"That's a personal question," said Peapod.

"Come on, Peapod," said Owen. "We promise we won't tell anyone."

"Fine," said Peapod. "No, I have not."

"It's okay," said Bryce. "We understand these things. We're really understanding."

Of course, Bryce had his fingers crossed behind his back.

Peapod decided to change the subject.

"Last week, I went to the Hillwood Natural History Museum," said Peapod. "I saw a real taxidermy platypus donated to the museum from Australia."

"Did you get to touch it?" asked Chase.

"No," said Peapod, "it's a museum specimen."

When Peapod was leaving the cafeteria, he saw some girls giggling.

"What's so funny?" he asked them.

"Bryce told us something hilarious," said one of the girls. "You're a virgin!"

"What?" said Peapod.

Bryce walked up to Peapod.

"Sorry," said Bryce, "it kinda...slipped out."

Peapod sighed.

"Oh well..." he said. "I'm sure they'll forget."

"By the way," said Bryce, "did you see you have an appointment after program?"

"Oh, I forgot," said Peapod. "I didn't bring my car. I'll call my mom and ask her to pick me up. It's on her way home from the hospital." Peapod's mom Cynthia was a doctor. He was very close with her, and she was always willing to give him a ride home when he needed it.

Not long before Peapod's next class, he called his mom, who promised to pick him up after the fraternity meeting was over. Now let's cut to the fraternity house. Peapod arrived promptly at 2:30 PM, after all of his classes were over.

"Yo, Peapod," said Levi, "we've got a lot of fun activities planned for today."

"Okay," said Peapod, "what kind of fun activities? Video games?"

"Um, no," said Dylan. "You're going to like it even better than that. It's called Drinking Jenga. We'll teach you how to play. You grab a tile and then we'll tell you what to do next. We've provided the booze. Take a seat over here." Dylan helped Peapod into a seat.

"We'll go in alphabetical order of our names," said Bryce. "Since Peapod starts with a P, and the other guys names start with B, C, D, L, and O, you're going to have to go last."

"Fine by me," said Peapod.

The Jenga tiles were all laid out. Bryce went first. The tile said _80s Bands_.

"I got 80s Bands," said Bryce, "so I have to name three 80s bands. A-ha, Poison, and The Smiths. Not that I listen to any of them, since I don't."

Eventually, it got to Peapod's turn. He picked up a title that said _Peer Pressure_.

"That means drink one for every person here," said Bryce. "That means drink six shots."

Peapod drank six shots.

The next turns for everyone involved more drinking. On Peapod's next turn, he picked _Michael Jackson_.

"Congratulations, said Owen, "you're a black chick for the rest of the game."

"What?" said Peapod.

"That tile means you have to change your race and gender," said Bryce. "And to reflect it, we're gonna call you Shaniqua."

"That's rather stereotypical," said Peapod.

"You've been listening to that Sheena girl, haven't you?" said Dylan.

"Oh no," said Peapod, "no-no-no-no-no!"

And so through the game, Peapod had so much to drink that he started to get dizzy, so he went to the bathroom to puke. After he got out...

"Feeling better, bro?" said Bryce. "Now for our next activity. We're going to watch clips from a documentary about Ronald Reagan, the greatest man who ever lived."

"Sounds exciting," said Peapod sarcastically. He slapped himself. "...I mean, great!"

And so the frat boys watched scenes from the documentary. Peapod nearly fell asleep.

"I don't think Peapod is having fun," said Chase.

"He thinks it's boring," said Bryce. "We'll have to find another game." Bryce turned off the movie and took out a box of pictures.

"Is that some kind of game?" asked Peapod.

"This is a fucking awesome game!" said Bryce. "It's called Rate the Geeks. We show you pictures of geeks and you rate them from 1 to 10, with 1 being the least geeky and 10 being the most geeky."

"That sounds like fun!" said Peapod.

"Here we go," said Bryce. He took out a picture of a boy with curly red hair picking his nose.

"I'd say a 5," said Peapod.

"Next geek!" said Bryce. He took out a picture of a girl with short black hair and big rectangle glasses.

"6," said Peapod.

Bryce then took out a picture of a boy with a bowl cut and big buck teeth.

"8," said Peapod.

Bryce then took out a picture of a kid with curly brown hair, rectangle glasses, suspenders, a pocket protector, and his shirt tucked into his tighty whities that were sticking out of his pants. This kid looked geekier than the other three combined.

"Whoa," said Peapod, "that's definitely a 10."

The frat boys laughed.

"Where did you get these photos?" asked Peapod.

"I found them on the Internet," said Bryce.

"Hopefully these kids won't see these pictures," said Peapod.

"They probably won't," said Owen. "They're probably too busy watching baby shows like Dora the Illegal Immigrant. You know, the kind that autistic 25-year-olds watch."

Peapod thought that Owen's remark was offensive. Peapod knew people who were autistic, including one of his cousins. He didn't say anything, but looked on as the other boys laughed at the cruel remark.

"So," said Levi, "how is Greek life treating you?"

"So far, so good," said Peapod. "You guys are really cool! My other friends never get to play these kinds of games with you."

"Well maybe you should hang with us more often," said Bryce.

"I'd love to!" said Peapod.

When Peapod was on his way home, he thought about his first day as a frat boy. The frat boys seemed cool to him, but they drank a lot and they made plenty of vulgar remarks, some of them very offensive.

Peapod's mother Cynthia looked at her son through the car mirror.

"So, Jesse," she said, "how's Greek life going?" Peapod's parents always called him by his real name.

"I like it," said Peapod, "well, for the most part. The frat boys can be a bit rude sometimes."

"That's how a lot of frat boys are," said Cynthia. "Just remember to be very careful around them."

"How was your day at the hospital?" asked Peapod.

"It was pretty good," said Cynthia. "Mrs. Vitello came in for her cataract operation. After I performed it, she gave me a bouquet from her store. She told me her granddaughter is getting married in three weeks and she wanted to be ready for it. I'm surprised she's still working at her age, although she did say that after this year, her granddaughter is going to take over."

Peapod looked at the bouquet of marigolds next to his mother.

"I'm going to put these flowers in a vase," said Cynthia.

Peapod thought about the fraternity. He figured that he'd try to tune out the frat boys' unlikable traits and just have fun.


	5. Rainy Days

**CHAPTER 5: RAINY DAYS**

The next day was Saturday, and school was out. When Peapod woke up, he stretched his arms and yawned. He walked over to the window and looked outside. It was cloudy outside. He hadn't talked to Park since yesterday's lunch, so he decided to call him.

"Hey, Park," said Peapod. "Want to come over to my place?"

"Sure, Peapod," said Park.

Later that day, Park came over to Peapod's house. Peapod let him in.

"Hi," said Peapod. "It's pretty quiet around here. Dad's at work and Mom's busy in her office. Let's go downstairs and take a swim."

"I still can't get over the fact that you have a swimming pool in your basement," said Park. "My basement's only got storage."

Cut to the basement. The basement is poorly lit, with beige walls, a bunch of beach chairs, and a changing room. Park and Peapod are chilling out on beach chairs. Park is wearing red swim trunks with pink seahorses on them. Peapod is wearing a light blue speedo with white zigzags.

"I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that swimsuit in public," said Park, looking at Peapod's swimsuit.

"I got it at the mall," said Peapod. "It was 75% off since the store owner wanted to get rid of it."

"I can believe that," said Park.

Peapod got up from his chair, walked over to the pool, and climbed in.

"How are things going at Pi Phi Psi?" asked Park, jumping in the pool.

"The fraternity?" said Peapod. "They're going terribly, terribly...exciting."

"Exciting?" asked Park.

"We played Drunken Jenga and Rate the Geeks," said Peapod.

"Rate the Geeks?" said Park.

"It's a game where you rate pictures of geeks on how geeky they are," said Peapod.

"Sounds like something Rhonda would have played in fourth grade," said Park.

Peapod sighed.

"I guess it is," said Peapod. "But they do talk about their sex lives. That's adult. They seem to get all the girls."

"I don't know," said Park. "Those frat boys sound really juvenile. You were more mature ten years ago than they are today." This made Peapod smile.

Peapod heard his phone go off. He climbed out of the pool.

"I got a text from Rhonda," he said. "She wants me to hook her up with Owen."

"Just ignore it," said Park. "Now get back into the pool."

"It's my pool," laughed Peapod. Peapod climbed back in the pool. The two guys started splashing at each other.

Meanwhile, at the beeper store (which was now Helga's home since her house was foreclosed years ago), Helga had invited Phoebe over. By now, the beeper store had been properly converted into a house, with walls built to divide the place into rooms. Helga was lying down on her bed, and Phoebe was sitting on the floor. Helga had the misfortune of sitting next to Sheena on the bus ride home the day before since Phoebe had gotten a ride home.

"It was unbearable, Pheebs," said Helga. "She talked about feminism the whole time. Not to mention me and that bitch have an assignment together."

"An assignment?" asked Phoebe.

"We're supposed to do a report about some feminist bullshit," said Helga. "I honestly don't care. Sheena can work on the whole fucking thing herself."

"But that will mean that you might fail," said Phoebe.

"I don't care if I fail," said Helga. "I'm thinking of opting out of gender studies."

"Helga!" said Phoebe.

"What?" said Helga. "I'm passing all my other classes. Big Bob and Miriam wouldn't care if I flunked a class. Miriam's too busy drinking and Bob's too busy moping over his new job as a construction worker."

"Your father's a construction worker now?" asked Phoebe.

"That midget Ernie put him to work," said Helga. "At this point, Bob will take anything. I think it's apropos. After all, he does have serious anger issues and knocking down old buildings could get out a lot of that anger. Though I wouldn't be surprised if he was fired. This is his sixth job since Big Bob's Beepers went out of business."

Helga heard the sound of her mother's blender.

"And there's Miriam making one of her trademark smoothies," said Helga, "She'd probably be a good drinking partner for those douchebag frat brethren that Peapod likes so much. Peapod's not sharp enough to realize those frat boys are fags."

"Helga!" said Phoebe. "Don't say that word!"

"What?" said Helga.

"I'll help you with your gender studies assignment," said Phoebe, "I took gender studies last semester. It wasn't so bad. I got an A-."

"That's probably one of your lowest grades," said Helga.

Phoebe sighed.

"Yes," she said.

And in the next chapter we'll get back to Hillwood College and the perils of Pi Phi Psi...


	6. The Ring

**CHAPTER 6: THE RING**

Peapod's next appointment to the fraternity was on Tuesday. He arrived at 2:28 PM. Bryce greeted him enthusiastically.

"Peapod, bro!" said Bryce. "We were just talking about you."

"You say so?" asked Peapod. "What, pray tell, was it?"

"We have a gift for you," said Bryce.

Bryce seated Peapod at the table and told him to close his eyes.

"What kind of gift?" Peapod asked Bryce. "Is it a beer?

"Even better than that," said Bryce.

Levi came in and placed a little black box on the table in front of Peapod.

"You can open your eyes," said Levi.

Peapod opened his eyes.

"A box?" said Peapod.

"Open it up, dork," said Dylan.

Peapod opened the box. Inside was a signet ring with the Greek letters pi, phi, and psi on it.

"It's a signet ring," said Peapod.

"It's to show that you are a true member of Pi Phi Psi!" said Bryce.

"Now let's get you a Coors," said Owen, giving Peapod a can of Coors. Peapod took a sip of it.

"I'm just glad that I'm taking the bus today," said Peapod. "Park promised to wait for me."

"Oh, that kid," said Bryce. "Great."

"So," said , "any games to play today?"

"Not today, Peapod," said Bryce. "Today we are going to be talking about girls."

"Do you have a girlfriend?" asked Levi.

"I do," said Peapod. "Her name is Nadine."

The boys cringed.

"That's the girl who's obsessed with bugs, right?" asked Levi. "And she's black. You're not dating _her_ , are you?" Bryce let out a mean laugh.

Peapod shot an angry look at Levi.

"You don't have to be racist," said Peapod. Peapod didn't want to get on Bryce's bad side, but it was beginning to become apparent that maybe Bryce and his friends weren't as cool as they seemed. Still, he wanted to remain part of the fraternity since it was only his third meeting.

"Well," said Peapod, "she is best friends with Rhonda Lloyd."

The boys looked at each other. They decided to pretend to be nice.

"That changes everything!" said Bryce.

"Hey," said Peapod, "a minute ago you didn't like her because she's black."

"Levi's just kidding," said Dylan. "He likes to kid around."

"That's right," said Levi. "No hard feelings, Peapod."

"Yeah," said Chase. "We care about you."

"Besides," said Bryce, "once a member, always a member. Right, Peapod?"

"Right," said Peapod.

When it was time for Peapod to leave, he met up with Park. Park looked at the ring.

"Is that a present for the frat?" asked Park.

"Yes," sighed Peapod.

"You seem sad," said Park. "Everything okay?"

"It's nothing..." said Peapod.

Park and Peapod got on the bus. Park let Peapod have the window seat. As the bus started, Peapod looked out the window and frowned.

Later, at dinner, Peapod was sitting with mother and older sister. (His father was working late that night,) Peapod's mother Cynthia was of average height, with brown hair in a bun and glasses, She was wearing a doctor's uniform. Peapod's sister Sara was shorter than him, with long brown hair and glasses. She wore an Edward Cullen T-shirt and black capris.

"What's wrong, dear?" asked Cynthia.

"Nothing, Mom," said Peapod.

"You haven't touched your food," said Cynthia.

Peapod sighed.

"One of the guys at the fraternity complained about my girlfriend," he said, "and then he pretended that he was just kidding."

"Maybe he _is_ just kidding, little bro," said Sara.

"I don't know," said Peapod.

"Maybe you can ask him to apologize," said Cynthia.

"Or you could bring Nadine to your next fraternity meeting," said Sara, "provided she doesn't have anything going on."

"I guess that might help," said Peapod.

That night, Peapod called Nadine and asked her if she wanted to come to the fraternity. As it turned out, she had classes going on. Peapod felt a bit sad that he had to face the frat boys alone.

But just when Peapod thought that things would possibly get better, they started to take a turn for the worst. Next chapter we'll see what's going on...


	7. Can't Buy Me Friendship

**CHAPTER 7: CAN'T BUY ME FRIENDSHIP**

Peapod's next several meetings to the fraternity went well. However, by the time Peapod had gotten to his seventh meetings, things were going to be getting bad.

The fraternity meeting started out like normal. Peapod and the other frat boys shared a few drinks of Coors, and the boys got to talking about sex and X-rated movies.

"I know I've said it a million times," said Bryce, "but I'm so honored to have Peapod here as our newest member."

"Cheers for Peapod!" said Levi.

The boys clanked their cans of Coors together.

While the boys were busy drinking, Park was standing in the bushes outside the fraternity, spying on the frat boys.

"I don't trust these guys one bit," he said.

Dylan walked past the window were Park was spying and saw him.

"Ew, geek!" said Dylan. He proceeded to close the blinds.

"Damn!" said Park, climbing out of the bushes.

Chase turned around and looked at Dylan.

"What happened?" asked Chase.

"Nothing," said Dylan. "There was a geek standing outside, but I closed the blinds and scared him away."

"Oh," said Chase.

Bryce walked up to Dylan.

"Find out who that geek was," said Bryce. "I've seen him a number of times, and I'm sick of him spying on us."

"Okay," said Dylan. Dylan left the building to look for Park.

"Now then," said Bryce. "We're going to look at some pictures of naked girls." Bryce took out his iPhone, which had tons of pornography on it.

The other frat boys felt aroused as Bryce showed them the pics. Peapod just smiled. First, Bryce held out a picture of a topless blonde woman who was clad in only a pink thong. The frat boys wolf whistled. Bryce had a disturbingly horny look in his eyes, which made Peapod move his chair back a little.

"I'd hit that girl," said Owen.

"Me too," said Chase.

"Maybe she'd like to make it a threesome," said Owen.

"What do you think of this bitch, Peapod?" asked Bryce, showing Peapod his iPhone.

"She's...hot..." said Peapod.

"I think she's delicious," said Bryce. "I'd love to jerk off."

Peapod felt a bit taken aback at that remark.

However, the going gaga over scantily-clad girls was soon to be interrupted. Dylan returned. He had an angry look on his face.

"I finally found out who the stalker is," said Dylan, "It's that Korean boy with a bowl cut and a striped sweater. He had a blue backpack with a Dino Land keychain on it. I forget his first name, but I think his last name is Park. He's one of the geeks."

"That's Park," said Peapod. "I thought you knew him. He's my best friend."

The guys stared at Peapod.

"THAT kid is your best friend?" said Bryce. "Come on Peapod, baby, you know better than that."

"I'm telling the truth," said Peapod. "We grew up together. We went to school together."

"UGH!" groaned Bryce. "But he's a geek! And he's...not like us."

"I'd like you to treat him with respect," said Peapod.

"Sorry, Peapod," said Levi. "No can do."

"You want to be one of us, don't you?" said Owen, shooting an angry look at Peapod.

"Well...yes..." said Peapod.

"We won't kick you out," said Bryce. "However, we would like you to stop hanging out with that Park boy. We don't want you to ruin or image."

Peapod gasped.

"But...that's not fair!" he said.

Now Bryce was angry. Peapod could see the fire in his eyes.

"Listen up, Peapod," said Bryce. "I'm the leader of this fucking fraternity. That means YOU fucking do what I fucking say! And if I say that you can't be friends with that fucking geek, you will NOT fucking hang out with him! GOT IT?" Peapod nodded. "Because if you don't like it, we'll make you our personal slave."

"Or better yet," said Owen, "we'll let out all your most embarrassing secrets."

"So," said Bryce, "what's it going to be?"

"Okay..." winced Peapod.

Luckily for Peapod, he never told any of the frat boys where he lived. (He was even luckier that none of them lived near him.) Peapod got on the bus and sat next to Park. Park saw that Peapod was very unhappy. He could tell something terrible had happened.

"What's wrong, Peapod?" asked Park.

"Nothing..." said Peapod.

"I think something's on your mind," said Park.

Peapod looked around.

"This has to be a secret, okay?" said Peapod.

"My lips are sealed," said Park.

"Bryce told me that I can't hang out with you anymore," said Peapod. "He thinks that it will ruin my image."

"WHAT?" said Park. "That's ridiculous."

"I'm telling the truth, Park!" said Peapod.

"I believe you," said Park. "Don't worry. We can still be friends. Bryce doesn't know where you live. I'll still come to visit you like I always do. I'll help you keep things under wraps."

"Thanks, Park," said Peapod.

Arnold looked at Peapod.

"Helga," he said to Helga, "I think Peapod's in trouble."

"There's a surprise," said Helga sarcastically. "Those douchebag frat boys must be ripping him to shreds."

"I've never seen Peapod so sad," said Phoebe. "He looks like he's about to cry."

"I think we should help him," said Arnold. "Bryce can't ruin his life."

"Earth to Arnold," said Gerald. "There's no reasoning with Bryce Farquhar III! He's got money, power, and connections. Plus his father, Bryce Farquhar Jr., is a very prominent individual in Hillwood. Bryce will use his connections to tear us up!"

"That's not what I meant," said Arnold. "We should talk to Peapod."

"I think Park's doing a good job," said Gerald. "Park is his best friend. He understands Peapod better than we do."

"It could be worse," said Helga. "I flunked a test in gender studies. Sheena, on the other hand, got a perfect score."

"Helga," said Phoebe, "you don't want to fail gender studies."

"I don't care," said Helga. "It's a retarded class anyway."

Phoebe gasped.

"Helga!" said Phoebe. "Don't you realize that the word 'retarded' is considered extremely offensive and insulting?"

Helga groaned.

"I do what I want, Pheebs," said Helga. "Don't let Sheena brainwash you too."

Sheena overheard Helga talking.

"I'm sorry about that gender studies project," said Sheena, "I'm just glad that I did the work. I hope you're feeling better from your migraine headaches." Helga had faked migraines so she could get out of doing her gender studies project. Sheena ended up doing all the work.

"DOY!" said Helga. "Leave me alone, sister!"

"Professor Wu loved my report on non-binary gender identities," said Sheena. "I signed your name on it so both of us would get credit."

Helga growled.

When Peapod got home, he went up to his room and closed the door. He sat down on his bed, took off his glasses, and looked up at the ceiling. A tear fell from his eyes.

"How could Bryce be so cruel?" he said to himself. "Park is my best friend. I can't just stop being friends with him." He sighed. "I don't have to listen to everything Bryce says. I'll still hang out with Park. Bryce will never know. Bryce may be super-rich, but my friendship with Park is priceless."


	8. Bryce's Party

**CHAPTER 8: BRYCE'S PARTY**

Though Peapod had made that promise to , he still went to the fraternity meetings. The next meeting was on Wednesday. Bryce had a special announcement.

"I have something awesome to tell you all," said Bryce. "We are going to have a party at my mansion on Friday. There will be music, games, refreshments, and sex. You are all required to come wearing formal wear. The party starts at 7 PM and will last until the wee hours of the night."

"Sounds fun!" said Peapod.

"Here are your invites," said Bryce, passing out invitations. "There will be lots of girls. Remember, only cool people are allowed at my party. That means NO. GEEKS." He turned to Peapod. "Peapod, invite that Rhonda friend of yours. She's so doable."

Peapod blushed.

"Okay..." he said. "I'll give her an invite." He looked at the clock. It was past the usual dismissal. "May I go now?"

"Fine," said Bryce.

Peapod said goodbye to the frat boys and left. He rushed over to the bus stop and got on just in time. He sat down next to Park.

"Where were you?" asked Park. "The bus driver was getting tired of holding the bus."

"Sorry," said Peapod. "Today ran terribly, terribly late. But on the flip side, there's a party coming up on Friday. Bryce invited me. I've got to look in my closet for a suit to wear."

Later that day, Peapod went to the mall, where several of his friends were hanging out.

"Oh look," said Helga, "it's Fraternity Boy."

"Hello, Helga," said Peapod.

"What's that in your hand?" asked Rhonda.

"It's an invitation...for you," said Peapod.

Peapod handed Rhonda an invitation.

"An invitation to Bryce's party?" said Rhonda. "How _charmant_! Thanks, Peapod! I'm going to need a new dress. Want to help me shop for one?"

"No thanks, Rhonda," said Peapod.

"We're going to stop by Omar's Falafel Hut for a snack," said Arnold. "Want to come with us?"

Peapod smiled.

Cut to Omar's Falafel Hut. Peapod sat at the curb, munching on a falafel.

"Thanks, Arnold," said Peapod.

"No problem," said Arnold.

"It made me feel better," said Peapod. He sighed. "I'm having a little trouble with the fraternity."

"What's going on?" asked Arnold.

"It's Bryce," said Peapod. "He doesn't want me to hang out with Park anymore."

"That's Bryce Farquhar III in a nutshell," said Helga. "He chews you up and spits you out." She looked at Peapod, who was taking a bite of his falafel.

"Helga..." said Arnold. He turned back to Peapod. "Look, Peapod...Bryce can't tell you who to be friends with."

"Maybe we could crash the party!" said Harold, who was eating two falafels, one in each hand..

"I'm cool with that, Pink Boy," said Helga. "Maybe I'll go and see which wrench will dismantle Bryce's car the quickest."

"But Rhonda's going to the party too," said Gerald. "We don't want to get her angry."

"We won't harm Rhonda or Peapod," said Harold. "Just the frat boys." Harold laughed.

"Please don't do it," said Peapod. "Bryce will be furious."

"Okay, Peapod," said Helga, "you can go to the party. We'll promise to stay outside."

Helga had her fingers crossed behind her back and laughed evilly.

The next afternoon, we see Arnold, Helga, and the other guys (minus Rhonda and Nadine - Rhonda was out buying a dress) standing in an alley. Helga was going to discuss some plans for crashing Bryce's party.

"Listen up, guys," said Helga, "We're going to crash Bryce's little shindig. First things first. Sid, can I put you down for a dozen toilet paper rolls?"

"Sure thing, Helga," said Sid, running a finger through his long black hair (he had grown it out).

"Next, we'll need eggs," said Helga. "Geraldo, get three cartons of eggs."

"I'm down with that, Helga," said Gerald.

"This is going to be brilliant," said Helga. "Those frat boys are going to love this. They have a great sense of humor."

"I'd love to see the look on Bryce's face," said Sid.

"Just one thing," said Helga. "Don't harm Peapod or Rhonda. But harming everyone else is game."

Everyone agreed to it.


	9. Party Animals

**_A/N:_** _Sorry for the long delay! The holidays prevented me from continuing, but now that they're over, I'm back!_

* * *

 **CHAPTER 9: PARTY ANIMALS**

On the night of the party, Peapod was getting ready. He put on a purple three-piece suit and a green paisley tie.

Once he was ready, Peapod went downstairs, got into the back seat of his father's Lamborghini. He was wise enough not to drive his own car on a night that he was going to drink. Peapod's father Henry was a heavy-set middle-aged man with graying hair styled like his son's hair. He looked at his son when he got in the car.

"Have fun at your party, son," he said. "I'll be at the country club if you need me. You know I'm only a phone call away. If anything comes up, give me a call."

"Okay, Dad," said Peapod. "You know where it is, right?"

"Yes, I do," said Henry. "As long I have my GPS, I can find anything."

When Peapod arrived at the mansion, he said goodbye to his father, got out of the car, and walked up the steps to Bryce's front door. He knocked on the door. A bearded man in a tuxedo opened the door. This was Bryce's butler, Manish Gupta. Manish secretly couldn't stand Bryce.

"Ah, Mr. Jesse Nathaniel Caron!" he said. "Right this way."

Manish led Peapod to the party room. There were plenty of cool kids, most of them rich. On the table were finger sandwiches cut into perfect little triangles, chips with dip, and other hors d'oeuvres, as well as bottles of Jack Daniels. The music playing was the kind of music that frat boys listen to. Bryce was in the middle of the room. He was wearing a cream-colored jacket and black slacks.

Bryce saw Peapod and walked up to him, greeting him enthusiastically.

"Bonjour, Peapod!" said Bryce. "Welcome to my party! There's food on the table if you want to eat and music playing if you want to dance. My parents have gone out and my little sister's at her friend's house for a sleepover, so we've got the night to ourselves!

Peapod went over to a table and started to eat chips. He ended up double dipping one of them. A cool girl gave him the stink eye for doing so.

"Okay..." said Peapod, "maybe I'll eat later. There's always music to dance to." He listened to the music, but then he saw someone turn up the volume. It was so loud that Peapod found it too distracting to dance to. In the meantime, Peapod looked for Rhonda.

Bryce was looking at his party.

"I think we'll need to liven up this party," he said. He took a bottle of Jack Daniels and drank it all down. Then he started staring at a blonde girl's butt.

Peapod found Rhonda in the parlor room. She was wearing a black evening dress. In her hand was a martini.

"Rhonda!" said Peapod. "Enjoying the party?"

"Why yes," said Rhonda. "Bryce has the nicest parlor room. I don't drink Jack Daniels, of course, but he did tell me where his family keeps the martinis. Bryce is a lovely dear. He knows how to throw a good party."

"I'm glad you like it," said Peapod.

"There's a nice jacuzzi outside too," said Rhonda. "Of course, I didn't bring a bathing suit, so I can't go in it, but I'm sure you'll like it."

Peapod opened the French doors in the back and looked outside. There was a jacuzzi on the patio. Three bikini-clad girls were sitting in the jacuzzi. Between two of them was a heavy-set guy with curly red hair and blue board shorts. They were drinking Jack Daniels.

"Hey, it's Peapod," said one of the girls.

"Want to take a dip?" said the guy. "The water's great!"

"No thanks," said Peapod, putting his hands in front of himself and backing away.

Peapod went back inside and carefully tiptoed past the party room. He went to see if anyone was home. Bryce went upstairs and looked around the second floor. It seemed pretty quiet here - he didn't hear a soul. He went down the hallway. He looked into the first door on the left. He opened it up. The empty room was pink and girly. It appeared to belong to a preteen. This was the bedroom of Bryce's little sister Ashton.

"I better not go in here," said Peapod. "If they caught me in here, I'd be laughed at until the end of time."

Peapod walked down the hall and went to the next door. It was another bedroom. This bedroom had black walls, posters of scantily-clad women, and appeared to be a mess. This was Bryce's room. Peapod decided to take a sneak peek. He walked right in and stepped on a Playboy magazine. He then looked around and opened one of the drawers. Inside was a dildo.

"Oh, great..." said Peapod. He carefully exited the room.

When Peapod walked down further, he heard suggestive moaning. As he approached two French doors, he heard it loud and clear. Something was going on. He opened one of the doors just a crack and saw what was happening. He quickly closed it before anyone noticed.

"It was Owen and Dylan!" said Peapod. "They were in the bed with a bunch of girls. Man, this party is starting to make me more than a little uncomfortable."

At last, Peapod made it to the end of the hallway and noticed another door. This door contained a staircase. Peapod went through it and closed the door behind him. He went up the stairs and soon found himself in the attic. There were a few bookcases loaded with books, as well as a few couches. The books were all dusty and looked like they haven't been read in over a decade. Peapod selected a really dusty book and opened it up.

Peapod flipped through the pages, which had pictures of mansions.

"Oh my," said Peapod, "this is terribly, terribly droll. Bryce's father has all these great books and he never reads any of them." He flipped a few pages later. "Hey! It's the Winchester House! I went there on my summer vacation to San Jose."

In the meantime, Helga, Phoebe, Gerald, Sid, Stinky, Harold, and Curly were outside the gates of Bryce's house. Arnold was not present. As for Phoebe, Helga had to coax her into going, and she only agreed since she had already finished all her homework. All of them wore camouflage.

"Garsh, Helga," said Stinky. "How are we gonna get up that fence?"

"Just watch," said Helga. She climbed over the fence and opened the front gate from inside.

Helga led everyone inside.

"Commence the TP'ing," she said.

Helga, Harold, Sid, Stinky, and Gerald started throwing toilet paper all over the tree in front of Bryce's house.

"I think I'm going to stay here," said Harold. "I'm going to give them a surprise."

"Helga," said Phoebe, "are you sure we should be doing this?"

"Of course, Pheebs," said Helga. "Bryce has a great sense of humor. Just think of it as redecorating."

Phoebe thought about it for a moment.

"If you insist..." said Phoebe.

Harold stayed at the tree, while Helga, Stinky, Sid, and the others started to sneak through the backyard. Harold unzipped his pants and peed on the tree, laughing as he did it.

In the house, Rhonda had decided to go upstairs, since her ears were getting tired from the loud frat boy music. She decided to use the bathroom upstairs. Helga wanted to make sure that Rhonda wasn't in the room when she and the gang crashed the party.

"The coast is clear," said Helga. "Let's get in!"

Helga led the others to the patio in the back and burst through the back door. The gang was laughing as they ran in. They started pelting the dance room with rotten eggs. The cool kids at the party started to scream.

"EAT LEAD, PREPS!" yelled Helga, overturning the punch bowl. Curly pushed two rich boys in front of the punch bowl. They got covered in punch.

Next, Stinky and Sid pushed over the speakers, breaking them. The rich kids chased them into the parlor. Sid picked up Bryce's mother's delicate glass swan and threw it at one of the rich girls. The swan missed and fell on the floor, breaking into a thousand little pieces.

Meanwhile, Harold came in, ran upstairs and went down the hall to opened the doors to Bryce's parents' bedroom. He saw Owen in bed with two girls. Harold screamed, and then Owen and the girls screamed.

By now, Rhonda had gotten out of the bathroom. She was started to hear people screaming and tried to get away from it. She tried hiding in Bryce's father's study, which was dark and seemingly lonely. Then, she heard panting.

"What the fuck is that?" she asked herself.

Rhonda turned on the lights. To her horror, she saw two drunk, naked guys. There was a big stain of urine in the middle of the room. Rhonda heard the two guys laughing and looking pervertedly at her. She screamed at the top of her lungs and ran out of the room. She ran to the door that led to the attic and went upstairs (locking the door behind her), where she met up with Peapod.

"The party's getting out of control!" screamed Rhonda.

"Let's stay here until it calms down," said Peapod.

Bryce was freaking out the whole time.

"GET THOSE KIDS!" he yelled furiously.

Downstairs, Helga had found where Bryce's father kept his 22 golf trophies.

"All right, guys," said Helga, "grab a trophy and show these guys who's boss!"

Helga, Sid, Gerald, and Phoebe grabbed a trophy and took aim. Levi, Chase, and two other boys also grabbed four trophies. The group started throwing trophies everywhere. It ended with broken trophies all over the place.

"Aw, shit!" said Sid. "We're out of trophies."

"There's plenty more where those came from," said Helga, eyeing a room full of ceramics, pottery, and other breakables.

As for Curly...he had sneaked into the basement and stole some dynamite to use for a prank. He then ran upstairs and went to where Bryce's father kept his most prized car, a Mercedes-Benz, and put dynamite in the trunk. As Curly stepped back, the car exploded and burst into flames. Curly laughed maniacally as he watched the car burn.

In the room with the breakables, Helga picked up a ceramic white stag and threw it at Bryce's face. The stag broke into lots of pieces. Sid climbed onto Bryce's lamp depicting the Greek god Apollo and shoved it into Bryce, destroying it. Stinky knocked over the china plates above the fireplace, and Phoebe pushed over a satyr statue.

And where was Manish all this time? He had been tied up and gagged by Owen and Dylan and locked in Bryce's little sister's room. But even worse news was coming about. Bryce's parents had arrived home! Everyone stopped what they were doing.

Mr. and Mrs. Farquhar walked in the house. Mr. Farquhar was a tall blond man with a red smoking jacket, black slacks, and a fez. Mrs. Farquhar had blonde hair in a bouffant and wore a pink cocktail dress and a matching pillbox hat. Both of them were horrified and had mouths agape.

Mrs. Farquhar gasped and screamed as she saw her ceramics in ruins. She began to weep.

"My priceless belongings!" she sobbed. "They're all RUINED!"

"Do not cry, Roxanna," said Mr. Farquhar. "I'll find who's responsible for this."

"It's a long story..." said Bryce. He pointed to Helga and her friends. "IT WAS THEM! They did it! They did it all! Please don't punish me, Daddy!"

Mr. Farquhar shot and angry look at Helga and clenched his fists. Helga gave him the finger.

"We'll...clean it up..." said Sid.

Mr. Farquhar groaned and walked into the trophy room. There he saw his ruined trophies. Mrs. Farquhar swooned at the sight of it.

"MY TROPHIES!" he yelled. "YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS, YOU FUCKING KIDS!"

In the meantime, Peapod and Rhonda had gone downstairs and saw the huge mess. Manish had managed to free himself from being bound and gagged, and he followed Rhonda and Peapod downstairs. Harold came as well. Owen and Dylan had beaten him up and given him a black eye.

"Oh...my word," said Rhonda.

"Oh my," said Peapod. "This is terribly, terribly bad."

"You kids are in very big trouble!" said Manish.

"Like the decorations?" asked Helga. "I think the broken ceramics really spruce the place up."

Bryce's friends all looked angrily at Helga.

"So...it was you!" said Bryce. "You little bitch! I'll beat the shit out of you and wring your neck until you're dead and-"

"I'VE HEARD ENOUGH!" yelled Mr. Farquhar. "You with the pigtails and the unibrow - OUT OF MY HOUSE **_NOW_**!"

Cut to the streets of Hillwood. Helga and her friends are walking home, accompanied by Peapod and Rhonda.

"Well that was great..." said Sid. "We got chewed out royally by Bryce's father."

"This really bites," said Stinky.

"Thanks a lot, Madame Fortress Mommy," said Harold.

"And now we'll have to pay for all of the damage," said Phoebe.

"No you won't," said Peapod. "Bryce's parents will. It's their house, after all. Bryce and the other frat boys are going to be so mad..."

"Why?" asked Gerald. "You didn't make any of that mess."

"I know..." said Peapod. "But you guys are my friends, and Bryce isn't going to be happy about it."

"What's he gonna do?" asked Helga sarcastically. "Make you his personal toothpick?"

"I don't know..." said Peapod.

Sid looked around. He noted that Curly was absent.

"Hey, guys?" he asked. "What happened to Curly?"

And next chapter we'll see what happens to Peapod.


	10. My Brethren's Keeper

**CHAPTER 10: MY BRETHREN'S KEEPER**

Peapod steered clear of Bryce for the whole weekend. He thought doing homework and would take his mind of of it. But he knew that on Monday, he was going to have to face an angry Bryce. Peapod told Park about the whole thing. Park understood how Peapod felt about the whole ordeal.

On Monday during lunch, Peapod walked into the cafeteria. He quietly got some food to eat and then looked around the cafeteria. Bryce and co. were nowhere in sight. Peapod smiled, and decided to find a table. Unfortunately, Park had a major test in one of his classes and was going to be late. He looked around again. Arnold caught sight of him.

"You can sit at our table, Peapod," said Arnold.

"Okay," said Peapod.

Peapod walked over to Arnold's table. As usual, Helga, Phoebe, and Gerald were sitting there too.

"Where's your frat boy friends?" asked Helga mockingly.

"Helga..." said Arnold.

"I don't care," said Peapod.

"Something the matter, Peapod?" asked Phoebe.

"I'm nervous about seeing Bryce," said Peapod. "He's going to kill me!"

"There's a surprise," said Helga sarcastically.

"You're safe here," said Gerald. "There's no way Bryce could..."

Peapod heard a wolf whistle, which he recognized as Bryce trying to get someone's attention. Bryce and the other frat boys walked up to Peapod.

"There you are!" said Bryce.

"Looks like you've got some 'splainin to do!" said Chase.

"Shut up!" Bryce told Chase. Bryce shot an angry look at Peapod. "Thanks to your little friends, my parents' expensive stuff is all broken! That broad Rhonda told me she's never coming back to my place. She refused to have sex with me!"

"Earth to Bryce!" said Helga. "Even Rhonda is smart enough not to have sex with you!"

"Why don't you just leave Peapod alone, Bryce?" said Arnold.

Peapod looked at Bryce.

"Hey," he said. "Rhonda's my friend."

"I don't care!" snapped Bryce. "And thanks to you, Peapod, our fraternity is the laughing stock of Hillwood College! You're in hot water, Peapod. You're in a whole fucking lot of hot water. We're going to demote you for this."

"Criminy," said Helga, "I thought you'd kick him out."

"I could," said Bryce, "but then I wouldn't have a personal slave...I mean, servant to clean our place." He looked at Peapod. "Sorry, Peeps, but you're stuck in the fraternity."

Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe gasped.

"Oh, dammit!" said Peapod.

Bryce and his fellow frat boys looked at each other and laughed haughtily.

Cut to the fraternity house after classes were over. Peapod was sitting on a chair, while the other frat boys ganged up on him. Bryce slapped Peapod across the face.

"We've got some work for you to do," said Bryce. "First, you're going to have to weed the garden."

"That's all?" asked Peapod.

Bryce whistled.

"Owen," said Bryce, "please shackle Peapod's feet together."

Owen took a pair of shackles and put them around Peapod's ankles. Peapod was led outside. The fraternity garden was nothing but weeds - big, noxious weeds that went up to Peapod's waist. Peapod started pulling weeds, but he kept tripping due to the shackles on his feet. It didn't help that Owen let loose a bumblebee to sting Peapod. Peapod tried to ignore the bumblebee, but it was hard to ignore since it wouldn't leave him alone.

By the time Peapod finished, he had a bee sting on the side of his right upper thigh, close to his knee. Chase removed Peapod's shackles.

"That wasn't fun," said Peapod.

"Don't worry," said Bryce. "There's plenty more work where that came from."

"Where did you get that stupid bee anyway?" asked Peapod.

"There's a nest under that crooked tree over there," said Owen, pointing to a crooked tree. "If one bee isn't enough, we can always add more. We know how to attract them."

When Peapod looked in the cabinet, he noticed there was lemongrass oil, pheromones, and beeswax. Peapod knew from Nadine that all of this attracted bees.

"We use all that to attract bees that sting our slaves," said Levi, "like you."

"You're going to love tomorrow," said Dylan, "because we have a shitload of work for you to do then."

Peapod gulped.

That evening, Peapod sat on his bed, clad in his nightshirt. He had put baking soda on his sting since it would reduce the swelling. He was looking out the window, dreading the next day of college. He then heard Park downstairs. Park had come to visit him.

While Peapod was lying down, Park went upstairs and knocked on Peapod's door.

"Come in," said Peapod. "Door's unlocked."

Park opened the door and saw Peapod, who looked faint from today's abuse.

"Hi, Peapod," said Park.

Peapod turned around and looked at Park.

"Hi, Park," said Peapod.

"Rough day?" said Park.

"I've seen better," said Peapod. "Fucking Bryce found out about what happened and I'm now fucking Cinderella or something - doing dirty work for Bryce and co. I had to weed the garden - in shackles - and those assholes release a bumblebee to torture me. I've got a sting on my thigh."

"I'm very sorry to hear that," said Park. "Why didn't they expel you?"

"They said they needed a slave," said Peapod. "And considering how racist Bryce and his friends are, they'll probably be hurling the N word at me soon."

"Oh God..." said Park.

"What am I going to do?" asked Peapod.

"Maybe I can tell the dean about it," said Park.

"The dean's a total bum," said Peapod. "He lets emotion-driven psychos like that gender studies professor teach here. Why would he do something about a bunch of stuck-up frat boys? Besides, Bryce's father is a major donor to Hillwood College. He'll probably cut funding. There's no way to escape."

Park sighed.

"Listen, Peapod," said Park. "I'll try the best I can to help you. I know I can't do much, but I'll make sure all of your real friends will be by your side to support you."

"Thanks," said Peapod. "I'm glad to be your friend."

"Trust me," said Park. "I know you a lot better than Bryce and those other frat jerks do. Bryce can never get in the way of that. We're here for you, man. Me and the rest of your real friends will never stop caring about you no matter what happens."

Peapod smiled, sat up, and hugged Park.

"Thank you, Park," said Peapod. "I know I can count on you. I'll make it out of this mess soon."


	11. Call Me Shaniqua

**CHAPTER 11: CALL ME SHANIQUA**

The next day came, and unfortunately Peapod was in for more torture. When he got on the bus, he looked out the window and sighed.

When Peapod arrived to the fraternity house, he saw that it looked very quiet. Something seemed very unnerving. He opened the door and went inside, and saw that the lights were all dimmed. He slowly closed the door behind him, and then he looked around.

"Anyone here?" he said. No response.

Peapod walked into the room where the fraternity usually met. The room was completely empty.

"That's odd," said Peapod. "I would have expected Bryce and his goons to be there."

Peapod looked in the other rooms on the first floor, seeing if anyone was there. No sign of anyone.

"They must be on the second floor," said Peapod.

After searching every room on the first floor, Peapod went upstairs. As with the first floor, it was completely dark. It was still daytime, but there was an overcast outside (the weather forecast said it was going to rain that night), thus adding to the creepy aura. Peapod began to search the second floor. Still no Bryce.

Suddenly, Peapod heard a rocking sound.

"What could that be?" he asked himself.

Peapod went down the hall and opened the door. The room only had one window, so it almost felt like nighttime. Peapod saw Bryce staring at the fireplace, with his back turned towards Peapod. His chair was rocking back and forth.

"Hey Bryce..." said Peapod. "Is anything going on?" No response. "You were expecting me right?" Again, no response. "You wanted to say something?" Still no response. "Bryce? Bryce Farquhar III? Hello? Is anybody home?"

"Yes..." said Bryce. "There's somebody home." Bryce turned his chair around. "It's ME! BRYCE GRISWOLD FARQUHAR _THE **THIRD**_!" He had an evil smile on his face and let out a cruel laugh. "And if it isn't little Jesse Nathaniel Caron, AKA Peapod! You think you're so smart? You're one of the dumbest people I ever met!" Peapod was nervously biting his nails as he looked at Bryce.

"But Bryce..." said Peapod.

"SILENCE!" yelled Bryce. "You see, the bros and I were talking and we have decided that you're not doing any good for our image. We're now going to be excluding you from all of our more pleasant activities. I'm the president of Pi Phi Psi and you have to do anything I say!"

"Bryce..." said Peapod.

"THAT'S 'Commander Bryce' to YOU, Peeps!" yelled Bryce.

"C-C-Commander Bryce..." said Peapod. "Please, have mercy on me! You can't do this to me!"

"Oh, I can't, EH?" said Bryce. "Well let me tell you something." Bryce stood up. "I'M IN CHARGE OF THIS FRATERNITY AND THAT MEANS I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT! My family is rich and powerful! Your family is just rich. Power is what's especially important."

Bryce wolf whistled, summoning Owen, Dylan, Levi, and Chase.

"Reporting for duty, Commander Bryce!" said Chase.

"Hello, Peapod," said Dylan. "The four of us have been talking about it, and we've decided to detail your little demotion. We've compiled a list of demands."

"Read the list, Levi!" said Owen.

Levi, who had a list in his hands,

"Here we go," said Levi. "Demand number one: Peapod will have to do all our laundry."

"WHAT?" asked Peapod. "I've got my own laundry to take care of. You-"

"QUIET!" yelled Bryce.

"Number two," said Levi, "Peapod is officially regarded as a black chick and will have to answer to the name Shaniqua."

Peapod groaned.

"Number three," said Levi. "Peapod, or shall I say Shaniqua, must endure savage beatings like the slave he is - and not complain."

"No..." said Peapod.

"Number four," said Levi. "Peapod will have to do all our homework."

Peapod hated the sound of this. Years ago he had heard that Phoebe Heyerdahl had been forced to do the same thing by a bunch of cool girls when she was promoted to the sixth grade.

"Number five," said Levi. "Peapod must do our landscaping and gardening."

"Is that all?" asked Peapod.

"We're only halfway there," said Levi. "Number six: Peapod will have to participate in our mock slave auctions."

"Now that's just ridiculous..." said Peapod.

"Number seven," said Levi. "Peapod must provide us with booze."

Peapod rolled his eyes.

"Number eight," said Levi. "Peapod must listen to all of our fraternity chants and songs."

Peapod groaned.

"Number nine," said Levi. "Peapod must not talk to any people of color without our approval."

"WHAT?" said Peapod. "As if you bastards couldn't get any more racist!"

"I'm not a racist," said Bryce. "Why do you think we have a black guy on the photo frame over here?"

Peapod looked at the frame. It was one an Abercrombie & Fitch model done in photo negative.

"That's not a black guy!" said Peapod. "That's a photo negative of a white guy!"

"Shut up," said Owen.

"And number ten," said Levi. "Shaniqua must sign this waiver releasing Pi Phi Psi of all liability in case of injury."

Dylan got out a waiver. Chase placed a pen in Peapod's hand.

"Sign this waiver, Shaniqua," said Bryce.

Peapod reluctantly signed the waiver. Then he was forced to sign the list of demands. Bryce and the other frat boys looked at the two documents and laughed wickedly. Peapod looked at the group in horror.

"WHAT DID I JUST DO?" he said.


	12. The Excuse Note

**CHAPTER 12: THE EXCUSE NOTE**

The next few days were torment for Peapod. He had to do all sorts of chores for the fraternity - on the first day, he did all their laundry, watered the garden, gave them their drinks, and even did their homework while the frat boys were watching a porno.

"You bastards won't get away with this!" said Peapod.

"Yo, Peeps," said Dylan, "don't forget my logic homework!"

Peapod read the worksheet for Dylan's logic class.

"Fish is to bicycle as fusilli is to blank?" said Peapod. "That doesn't make any sense!"

"It might make sense to that little friend of yours," said Owen. "The Chinese are academically gifted."

"Park is Korean, not Chinese," said Peapod.

"Get back to work, Shaniqua," said Bryce.

And that was how the rest of the week was like. Peapod was beaten and kicked, overworked, and forced to listen to the fraternity's obnoxious chants. While Peapod is doing gardening in the rain (without a raincoat), Helga and co. are walking by.

"Criminy," said Helga. "Bryce is going to make Peapod sick with all that work."

"I have to agree," said Phoebe. "This is getting out of hand."

"We need to do something about it," said Arnold. "Peapod looks cold and miserable."

"Earth to Football Head!" said Helga. "Peapod wanted to be in Pi Phi Psi!"

"You can't fault him for that," said Gerald. "He didn't know Bryce and co. were going to do this to him. Even someone as smart as Peapod can fall victim to a sleazy, shallow group like Pi Phi Psi."

Arnold walked up to Peapod.

"Hey, Peapod!" said Arnold.

"H-h-hi," said Peapod, shivering.

"How's things going?" asked Arnold.

"I've seen better days," said Peapod. He sighed. "I've spent the last three days constantly doing work for the fraternity! I've had to wash the underwear of over 15 different guys!" Peapod sneezed. "I think I'm going to get pneumonia if I stay out of here longer!"

"Why don't you just quit?" asked Arnold.

"I tried to quit," said Peapod, "but Bryce won't allow it."

"That fraternity can't control your life," said Arnold. "You aren't responsible for them. Look...have you told your parents?"

"I've tried telling them," said Peapod, "but both of them have been very busy. Mom's been taking care of Grandma since she's sick with the flu while Dad's been busy at the country club."

"What about your sister?" asked Arnold.

"Oh, please," said Peapod, "Sara wouldn't do anything for me even if I bribed her with Robert Pattinson's autograph."

"I've got an idea," said Arnold. "Come over to my place tonight."

Cut to that night. Arnold and Peapod are in Arnold's room. Peapod is now wearing dry clothes. Arnold brought up some prune cookies.

"My grandma made these last night," said Arnold. "Want one?"

"Thanks," said Peapod, taking a cookie. "These are good!"

"So," said Arnold, "I'm going to help you write a note to the fraternity saying you have personal issues to attend to and that you need to stay away from the frat house for a while."

"Sounds good to me," said Peapod.

Arnold sat at his computer, typing the letter. Peapod told him what to put in the letter.

After twenty minutes, Arnold finished the letter and printed it out. Peapod read the letter over three times.

"Thanks a lot, Arnold," said Peapod. "You saved me a lot of grief."

"Don't mention it, Peapod," said Arnold. "Now let's put it in an envelope and mail it to the college."

Arnold and Peapod sealed the letter and went outside. Peapod put the letter in the mailbox.

"Thanks again, Arnold," said Peapod. "I better get going."

Peapod got into his car, waved goodbye to Arnold, and drove off.

That night, Peapod decided to call Park.

"Hey, Park," said Peapod. "I've got some terribly, terribly astounding news!"

"What is it?" asked Park.

"Arnold helped me write an excuse note to the fraternity," said Peapod, "and now they're off my back."

"For how long?" asked Park.

"Indefinitely," said Peapod. "Soon enough I'm considering getting a restraining order against Bryce and the rest of the fraternity."

"A restraining order?" asked Park. "Isn't that a bit much?"

"Do you know what these guys did to me?" asked Peapod. "They subjected me to slave-like conditions for the past four days."

"I guess that's fair," said Park. "Still...what's going to happen if they find out the excuse note is fake?"

"I'm not sure..." said Peapod. "But it gives me more than enough time to tell the rest of the gang that I need help. If things don't work out and I'm forced into more work, then I'm going to get that restraining order. After all, there is the fear of them stalking me."

"You've got a point," said Park.

"Don't worry about a thing," said Peapod. "This nightmare will be over soon enough!"


	13. Dinner For Eight

**CHAPTER 13: DINNER FOR EIGHT**

The next day, Peapod was feeling much better. To show it, he put his fraternity outfit in his closet and dressed in his usual outfit. He looked in the mirror, smiled, and gave himself two thumbs up. Not long after, he heard the bus come. He went downstairs and got on the bus. He sat down next to Park.

"It's been weeks since I've seen that outfit," said Park.

"Now that Bryce is out of the picture," said Peapod, "I figured I'd wear my own clothing."

Helga looked at Peapod.

"I guess Peapod's gotten out of fraternity jail," she said.

Rhonda waved hi to Peapod.

"Nice to see the old Peapod that we all know and love," she said. "By the way, I got a coupon for a dinner at Topkapi, that nice little Turkish buffet, and I'm inviting you. I know how much you like ethnic cuisines."

"Sheena doesn't," said Helga. "She probably thinks it's cultural appropriation to eat it."

"I haven't seen Sheena in a while," said Peapod. "Where is she?"

"She's attending a funeral in Spokane," said Phoebe. "She had a death in the family."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Peapod.

"You don't have to dress up," said Rhonda. "It's not meant to be formal."

Peapod's day went well. He ate lunch with Park, he came home on the bus, and he didn't see Bryce at all. That evening, Peapod and Park went to Topkapi. Rhonda and Nadine were there waiting for them.

"Glad you could make it," said Rhonda. "I told them we had a reservation. Arnold, Gerald, Helga, and Phoebe are coming in a little white."

Once everyone was at the restaurant, they got to eating dinner. Peapod got himself a nice plate with shish kebabs, shish tawook, rice pilaf, pita bread, köfte, calamari, kashkaval cheese, braided cheese, and tzatziki sauce. For a drink, he got a pineapple sharbat.

"I always love coming here," said Peapod after he sat back down. "Bryce and the other frat boys wouldn't appreciate this kind of food."

"Yeah," said Helga, "because they're used to their cum-frosted cookies." Helga was pouring ketchup on her shish kebabs. Everyone at the table except for Phoebe and Arnold giggled.

"Believe me," said Peapod, "joining that fraternity was the biggest mistake of my life."

"Well," said Phoebe, "you're away from them now. There's no way Bryce and his gang can follow you now."

Meanwhile, outside the restaurant, Bryce and co. were looking in the window.

"So," said Bryce, "Shaniqua thinks she's too good for us? She's hanging out with those losers."

"It's absolutely disgusting," said Dylan.

"She's even hanging out with two Asians," said Bryce, "and a goddamn..." Bryce said the N-word, but the sound of a cat screaming bleeped it out.

"Shaniqua's gonna get it next time we see her," said Owen, pounding his fist.

"Should we jump her after she gets out?" asked Chase.

"No," said Bryce. "Wait until Monday."

Back inside...

"I'm going to the jewelry store over the weekend," said Rhonda.

"What are you going to do this weekend?" asked Arnold, taking a bite of yaprak dolmasi.

"I've got homework," said Peapod. "Luckily, it's just mine. No more 'study parties' for me."

"Study party?" said Gerald. "Like the one Maria and her friends made Phoebe go to in fourth grade?"

"It was even worse," said Peapod. "They kept calling me 'Shaniqua'."

"Shaniqua?" said Nadine. "Where the hell did they get that nickname?"

"It was back when we played Drunken Jenga two weeks ago," said Peapod.

"Drunken Jenga's a pretty funny game," said Helga.

"Helga..." said Arnold.

Dessert was just as delicious as dinner. Peapod and his friends ate candied pumpkins, lady's navels, baklava, almond cookies, muhallebi, tulumba, and of course, Turkish delight. Peapod went a little overboard on the Turkish delight. After dinner was over, Peapod walked back to his house to digest all the food. By the time he got home, he was ready to go to bed. He changed into his nightshirt and lay down on his bed.

"My first happy night in a long time," he said.

On her way home from the restaurant, Helga got a phone call. It was Sid.

"Helga," said Sid. "I've got something really juicy to tell you. Bryce and his gang are having a party at the fraternity house on Monday night. I overheard them talking this afternoon."

"So?" said Helga. "What's in it for me?"

"They said they were going to blacken themselves at the party," said Sid. "If we get footage, we might be able to put it on YouTube, bring it down, and get them off Peapod's back forever!"

"Man, that sounds bad!" said Helga. "I'm coming over there with my iPhone. When does the party start?"

"6 PM," said Sid.

"Then we'll be there at 7 PM," said Helga, "armed with cameras and ready to expose them. Just one thing: be as quiet as possible. We'll hide in the bushes of the back window. Be very careful, since if Bryce sees us, then we're dead."

"Agreed, Helga," said Sid.

"Bryce is going to wish he's never been born," said Helga. Helga ended her call, and laughed maniacally.


	14. Bamboozled

_**WARNING:** This chapter contains content that some people might find offensive. Be warned. Keep in mind that I DO NOT condone the use of blackface and I consider it very offensive. Sadly, fraternities and sororities have done racist shit like this in real life._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 14: BAMBOOZLED**

Over the weekend, Peapod tried not to think about Bryce and co. He hoped to put all the stress of being a member of Pi Phi Psi behind. He spent much of Saturday focusing on homework. He managed to finish it at night.

On Sunday, Peapod asked Park to come with him to the park. We see Peapod and Park sitting on swings at the park, swinging back and forth,

"I'm glad you got away from that Bryce guy," said Park.

"Me too," said Peapod. "Hopefully I'll never have to hear his obnoxious extroverted voice again." Peapod shook his head. "I'll never look at a Jenga tile the same way again."

"You have better things to do with your time than attending all those meetings," said Park.

"Tell me about it," said Peapod. "It gave me less time to do my homework. My grades have been slipping for real estate, and that's one of my favorite classes. Oh well...at least I caught up on homework yesterday. Phoebe even helped me with my gender studies homework."

A heavy-set tan-skinned girl walking a Lhasa Apso with a long dense coat walked by Peapod and Park. She had earbuds in her ears. Peapod recognized her to be Yesenia, one of the girls from his real estate class.

"You Peapod?" she asked him.

"Hi, Yesenia!" said Peapod. He looked at her dog. "Hi, Dulcita!"

Dulcita barked happily.

"I see you're not part of the fraternity anymore," said Yesenia. "I've heard that Bryce and co. are doing something really ridiculous tonight."

"What is it?" asked Peapod.

"They're having a blackface party," said Yesenia.

Cue the sound of a record scratching.

"Oh God..." said Peapod. "Just when you thought Bryce and his gang couldn't get any more racist."

"Bryce and those other four guys are the most racist people I know," said Yesenia. "They're just asking to get their asses kicked."

"I'm not surprised," said Park.

"I'm glad you've called it quits on them," said Yesenia. "That girl with the unibrow told me she's going to be filming it and sending it all over the Internet."

Dulcita barked again and started to run in circles.

"I'd love to stay and chat," said Yesenia, "but I've got to take Dulcita home now. Adios!" Yesenia and Dulcita walked away.

Peapod looked around.

"I wish I had a dog," he said. "Too bad my dad's allergic."

Not long after, a little girl with blonde hair in pigtails and a pink jumper walked up to Peapod and Park.

"MOMMY!" she yelled. "There's grown-ups on the swings!"

Peapod and Park stared blankly at her.

Meanwhile, at the fraternity house, Bryce and co. are preparing for the party and trying to make it as offensive as possible.

"This is going to be the best party ever," said Bryce, "or our names aren't Bryce Farquhar III, Owen Steinbrenner Jr., Dylan Rice, Levi Bordelon, and Chase O'Connor."

"I'm really excited about this!" said Dylan. "We've invited all the best girls."

"My 86-year-old grandpa even mailed this poster to me," said Levi, holding a poster. "This poster's a copy of one that's been in our family for generations."

Bryce looked at the poster. It was a poster for a blackface minstrel show from 1906. The show was called _Pompey Dixie and Miss Petunia_.

"I'm going to be Pompey," said Levi.

"I'll be Petunia," said Dylan.

"We're even going to serve authentic drinks," said Owen, holding a bottle of Yahoo grape soda.

"I've got enough make-up for everyone," said Chase, holding a jar of black face paint.

Bryce and the frat boys laughed.

That night, the fraternity house was abuzz as students went to attend Bryce's racist party. Bryce, Owen, Dylan, Levi, and Chase were all dressed in blackface and speaking in stereotypical slave dialects. Levi was dressed in overalls and a straw hat, while Dylan was dressed in a mammy costume. Other kids were dressed in hip-hop clothing and wearing their pants low.

"Oh lawdy!" said Owen. "We gotsa big ol' jamboree goin'!"

"Lawdy!" said Dylan. "Anybody want pancakes?"

"Oh, Petunia," said Levi, "Massa's not gonna like it!"

"Imma sing anotha song!" said Bryce. "I bet you ******* know this one. O da foot bone's connected to da shin bone, da shin bone's connected to da leg bone, da leg bone's connected to da spleen bone..."

Bryce and the other guests started singing the song "Dem Bones" and getting the lyrics wrong.

Meanwhile, Helga was outside the fraternity house, dressed in a black sweater and pants. She was holding a camera. Sid, Arnold, and Gerald were behind her. Helga had a camera on her and was filming the party.

"Criminy," said Helga. "Bryce must be enjoying his Jefferson Davis-approved party."

Gerald looked inside.

"WHAT THE-?" he said. "Helga, this isn't funny, it's...it's fucking racist!"

"That's exactly the point I'm trying to make," said Helga, filming the party. "They're serving stereotypical black food, singing minstrel songs, and heck, they've got Confederate flags all over the place."

Inside...

"Now ******s," said Bryce, "put your hands together for De Camptown Ladies!"

Bryce and co. started singing Camptown Races.

"Bryce Farquhar III...you are a dead man," said Helga. "Once everyone gets a load of your racist party, your fraternity's going to be toast!"

Helga stood there for ten minutes, filming more racist garbage. Then suddenly, Helga heard footsteps. It was Bryce.

"Amscray!" said Helga.

Helga, Sid, Arnold, and Gerald hid in the bushes.

"What's going on here?" said Bryce. He looked outside and saw Helga. "NOT YOU AGAIN!"

"Hey, Bryce," said Helga.

"What the fuck are you doing?" asked Bryce.

Helga and her friends laughed.

"The real question is what are _you_ doing?" said Gerald. "You're throwing a racist-ass party and expecting to get away with it. Well let me tell you: Helga here got footage of your little minstrel show. You're going all over the Internet."

"Shut up you ******!" yelled Bryce.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" asked Gerald, holding a fist at Bryce. "Say it again, motherfucker. I'll whoop your ass."

"Peapod doesn't deserve assholes like you," said Arnold. "You don't give a fuck about Peapod. All you care about is drinking, sex, and being racist."

"You're still going all over the Internet," said Sid.

"I'LL BREAK THAT FUCKING CAMERA!" yelled Bryce. He lunged at the camera, but Helga stepped out of the way and Bryce crashed into a bush.

"We're going home," said Helga. "I've got enough footage of your racist party."

"You're going to be in big trouble tomorrow!" said Gerald.

Bryce started screaming and shouting as many N-bombs as he could while Helga and her friends walked away.

When Helga got home, she and Arnold filmed a short clip of themselves giving a warning.

 _Helga: WARNING: The following video contains racist assholes being fucking pricks. Viewer discretion is advised, bucko!_

 _Arnold: This video was shot outside the fraternity house of Pi Phi Psi. We are disgusted with what we saw. I think you'll be disgusted too._

After some editing, Helga put the warning in the video and then uploaded it to YouTube. (Arnold had gone home by then.) At midnight, Helga saw that the video had already gotton several hundred hits, and the hits kept going up. Bryce and co. were in for it now.


	15. Bye-Bye, Pi Phi Psi

**CHAPTER 15: BYE-BYE, PI PHI PSI**

When Monday came, Peapod woke up and put his usual outfit on. He took the shuttle to Hillwood College and then started to go about his business. Things went pretty smoothly. No sign of Bryce and his fraternity boys anywhere.

After the day was almost over, Peapod thought that he was in the clear, but then, he ran into Bryce and his gang. They looked at him with angry scowls.

"So," said Bryce, "you thought you were rid of us? You think we're that stupid?"

"I...I can explain..." said Peapod.

"There's no need to," said Owen. "We know those kids who filmed our party were your little friends."

"We're in big trouble because of you!" said Dylan.

"Huh?" said Peapod.

"Thanks to you, we're the laughing stock of the whole college!" said Bryce. "If you think we're going to surrender you, you're wrong! I will not fucking allow it! You're our slave for life! You will go down with our ship! You obnoxious, selfish, spoiled, back-stabbing, turncoat little piece of FUCKING SHIT!"

Bryce, Owen, Dylan, Levi, and Chase ganged up on Peapod, who braced himself for the beating to end all beatings. Before the frat boys could do so, they heard someone shouting.

"WAIT A MINUTE!" It was Phoebe.

Phoebe, Helga, Arnold, Gerald, Sid, and Rhonda ran over to where Peapod was standing.

"First off," said Arnold, "put your hands down. We've got some news."

"Some news that concerns you," said Gerald.

"What do you mean?" asked Chase. "Is it bad news?"

"That's right, douchebags," said Helga. She held up the college newsletter. "According to the newsletter, your fraternity's getting the boot. It's all done, guys. Finito. Kaput. Ride's over, buckos!"

"WHAT?" said Bryce.

"The board of directors heard about your little racist party," said Gerald, "and they were disgusted."

"This college has decided to suspend Hillwood College's chapter of Pi Phi Psi," said Arnold.

"Luckily," said Phoebe, "Peapod will not be punished because he didn't do anything wrong. They even found out this wasn't the first time you've tried to prevent someone from leaving, and it's also not the first time you've referred to people as your slaves."

Peapod sighed.

"Does that mean I'm free to go?" asked Peapod.

"Of course!" said Phoebe.

"That's such a relief..." said Peapod. He then backed away from Bryce and co.

"NO!" said Bryce. "This isn't happening! I must be dreaming."

"I'm afraid you're not dreaming," said Peapod.

"It gets worse, Bryce," said Rhonda. "The document says you'll have to get rid of that fraternity house, and you can't have any more parties, and you know what else? All those tacky fraternity outfits are going to be confiscated." Some guys came up to Bryce and co. and stripped them of their jackets, hats, and ties.

"Thank God I already threw my stupid jacket and hat in the dumpster," said Peapod.

"Not my fraternity!" said Bryce, falling down to his knees and sobbing. "Not my fraternity! I'll never give up my fraternity!"

"Oh, grow up, you big baby!" said Helga, slapping Bryce.

"What will our parents say?" said Dylan. "My dad's going to kill me!"

"Mine too," said Owen.

"Maybe you should have thought about it before you had that party," said Sid. He pulled a container of beeswax out of his pocket.

"Where did you get that?" said Chase.

"It was in your fraternity house," said Sid.

Helga took the container and poured beeswax over Bryce and the other frat boys.

"AAAAUGH!" said Owen.

"Disgusting!" said Levi.

"By the way," said Sid, "they're already cleaning out the fraternity house."

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US!" yelled Bryce, sobbing.

"It's too late," said Gerald. "You deserve it for all that shit you put Peapod through."

"You can cry all you want, Bryce," said Peapod, "but I'm not going to feel sorry for you."

"But what's going to happen to us?" sobbed Bryce.

"To be terribly, terribly honest," said Peapod, "I don't care. If you had treated me like a human being, maybe you'd still have your fraternity."

"I DON'T CARE EITHER!" yelled Bryce. "First you ruin my house, and then you ruin my life! Do you realize how much this has been a tragedy to me? I am the embodiment of rich and powerful! I thought a fellow rich young man like you would be sympathetic, but instead you're a back-stabbing liar and a traitor." Bryce didn't notice that there was buzzing in the distance. "You may have won this time, but someday I'll rise again!" The buzzing grew louder. "Someday I will get my revenge on you! You mark my words, I'll tear you limb from limb!" The buzzing grew even louder. "I'll thrash you and beat you and crush you and burn your bones! I'll...I'll.."

"I don't know," said Helga, "but you'll have plenty of company."

"What do you mean?" asked Bryce. He and the other frat boys turned around. A swarm of bumble bees was hovering right behind them. The bees dived down onto Bryce and co. and began to sting them repeatedly.

"Let's get out of here before they sting us too," said Peapod.

Peapod and his friends all got away.

"Hope you enjoy your new friends!" said Gerald.

Bryce, Owen, Dylan, Levi, and Chase screamed in pain as the bees swarmed over them and stung them over and over again. Eventually, the bees had had enough and flew away. The frat boys were left on the ground groaning in pain.

"Why did it have to be bees?" said Levi.

"It'll take decades for me to remove all the stingers," said Dylan.

"Somebody better call an exterminator," said Chase.

"Exterminator?" said Bryce. "How about a doctor?"

It's not over yet! Let's take a look at what happens the next day...


	16. Epilogue

**CHAPTER 16: EPILOGUE**

Cut to the next day in the cafeteria. Park and Peapod are ordering their food.

"I'm glad that fraternity crap is all over," said Peapod. "Now everything's back to normal."

"I'm glad too," said Park.

"So what have I missed?" asked Peapod.

"Not much," said Park. "Sheena's back. She's acting a bit...different."

"Different?" said Peapod.

"See for yourself," said Park, pointing at Sheena. Sheena was dressed in hippie clothing like she used to. She had a plate of vegetarian tacos with a side of ketchup.

Arnold and Helga walked up to Sheena.

"Hi, Sheena," said Arnold.

"What's with the new dish?" asked Helga. "What's with the 'cultural appropration'?" Helga said the last two words mockingly.

"I'm done with social justice," said Sheena. "Professor Wu dropped me from the class after too many absences. I'm going back to being just plain Sheena."

Peapod looked at Sheena.

"Glad to have the old Sheena back," he said.

"And I'm glad to have the old Peapod back," said Park.

After Peapod and Park ordered their lunches, they got a table. Peapod started to eat the delicious jerk chicken, rice, and plantains that he had gotten.

"Hmm...jerk chicken..." said Peapod. "That's a good way to describe Bryce. He's a jerk and he's a chicken."

Park laughed.

"You're right about that," said Park. "Where is Bryce anyway?"

Bryce, Owen, Dylan, Levi, and Chase were outside the window, dressed in faded Abercrombie & Fitch clothing. The five jerks looked so jealous of the other students enjoying all the delicious cafeteria food, although everyone knows it served them right.

"I wish we could go in there," said Owen.

"Why should Peapod get all the good food and not us?" asked Dylan.

"It's so miserable being around here," said Bryce. "I hate college!"

A pigeon flew by and pooped on Bryce.

"FUUUUUUCK!"

Meanwhile, back inside, Peapod looked at the table next to his, where Arnold, Helga, Phoebe, and Gerald sat.

"How are things going?" Arnold asked Peapod.

"Pretty good," said Peapod. "Me and Park are going to the arcade later. Do you want to come?"

"I'd love to!" said Arnold.

"I managed to get kicked out of gender studies," said Helga. "I'm so relieved."

"That makes two of us..." said Peapod.

Phoebe looked at Peapod's outfit. He was wearing short pink shorts, along with a grey jacket and a pink shirt.

"Why did you keep the fraternity shorts?" he asked.

"These aren't the same shorts," said Peapod. "I got these at a store. See? No fraternity logo!"

"I see," said Phoebe.

"Anyway..." said Peapod. "Thanks again for helping me out."

"All in a day's work, bucko," said Helga. She then heard Sid call out.

"I helped too, you know!"

Rhonda and Nadine walked by Peapod's table.

"I heard about what happened," said Nadine. "I'm glad you're out of the fraternity. You don't need to be with them. You're much smarter than them. By the way, Peapod, I love your outfit. It really suits you."

"Thanks," said Peapod.

"Mind if we sit here?" asked Rhonda.

"Go ahead," said Park.

"The more, the merrier," said Peapod.

Rhonda and Nadine sat down. Before the two began to eat, Nadine blew a kiss to Peapod, who blushed.

Peapod smiled and looked around.

"So glad to have friends who care about me," he said. "This is the life..." He and his friends laughed.

 **THE END**


End file.
